5 Fun Facts About My Job As A Stay At Home Mom

#1   I often find miscellaneous objects in the toilet.

That list includes:

• Mr. Potato Head pieces
• Ponytail holders
• 1970's small, square tile pieces picked out of my bathroom floor
• Socks and . . . 
• a Barbie doll head. 

I have become a master at using the plunger and I'm amazed we have not had to have a real professional come in and fix any serious damage. I'm adding plumber to my resume.

#2   I swear under my breath a minimum of 10 times a day.

Remember I said a minimum. My swear phrase of choice is "Are you f@*%ing kidding me?".  Example: I have very picky eaters and the other night my husband gave my kids an option for dinner, steak on the grill or pick up food from a local wing joint. My kids won't touch chicken but they like the ribs that they have there. "RIBS, RIBS" was the answer. I packed up my oldest and we went to get the food. While I was paying, she had a minor fit about not being able to eat the ribs at the restaurant. As I'm struggling to carry the food out and trying to keep her minor fit from turning into a major 2 yr. old temper tantrum, I'm thinking to myself this is a definite "Are you  f@*%ing kidding me?" moment. Luckily I was able to bribe her saying "If we go home and you eat your dinner, you can have a popsicle for desert." That solved that . . . for the moment. Of course when we got home and the ribs were in front of her she pushed them away saying "I DON'T LIKE RIBS!". . . "Are you F@*%ING  kidding me?" (under my breath of course). No popsicle that night! Which leads me to #3 . . .

#3   I bribe my kids.

You may or may not agree with this tactic but it usually works for me. Example: "If you help me sort through the laundry and find all the matching socks, I'll get out your easel and paints when we are done." This is a win win for all. I hate matching socks and who doesn't love a good art activity? The other day my oldest helped me dust, vacuum and unload the dishwasher. She was rewarded with a 1/2 hr of time on the iPad which she used by playing a educational alphabet game. If the truth be told, I wouldn't have had to bribe her. They both love helping out.

#4   I can't tell you the last time I bought myself something.

I don't have a job that rolls in the dough so therefore we don't have the extra funds to buy non-essential things. Things like those Coach shoes I saw in Marshall's the other day (regularly $160 but selling for $80). What a deal! But seriously, where would I wear them? To the playground with my yoga pants?

#5   I am on the clock 24/7, like all moms.

I deal with temper tantrums, dirty looks, picky eaters, non-nappers and screamers. I get the biggest hugs, smiles and laughs. I never know what the day is going to bring but I would not trade my job for anything.

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