Confession: Sometimes I Wonder if I'm a Crappy Mom

I'll fess up, being a stay at home mom sometimes just drags the life out of me. Don't get me wrong, I love it! But I often sit here and wonder: Am I doing enough for my kids? I worked in daycare for so long and saw the many benefits of sending your kids there. Socialization, arts and crafts, independence, and more toys than I'd ever fit in my house. I saw the look of excitement in both the parents and kids eyes at 6 pm pick up. They were so excited to see each other at the end of the day. Truth be told, at 6 pm I'm counting down the minutes till bedtime. Pretty crappy, huh?

Do I feel like my kids are missing out? Sometimes. On the other hand, I am so thankful that I get to be at home with them all day and see all the funny things that happen first hand. Today Lanie told a grandmother at the play place how much she loved her white hair. Thankfully, the woman found it very cute. The other day I received a similar compliment from Lanie, “Your hair is so beautiful and pretty. I love it!” Followed up with, “It’s fluffy and puffy and I like the white parts.” Needless to say I immediately booked a hair appointment!

I was looking through recent pictures the other day and I was amazed to see how many I have of Lanie and Charlotte sharing blocks, legos and baby dolls. I taught them to share. That's got to count for something. I've also taught them manners. Please and thank you are frequent words in our house. Charlotte can count to 6! Lanie can count well into her twenties, stumbling up somewhere between 24 and "Twenty-teen". She knows all of her colors, letters, all the sounds the letters make as well as every single toddler friendly song you can imagine. (And some not so toddler friendly songs.)

Today a woman asked me how old Charlotte was. When I told her that she was 15 months old she said that she was amazed how mobile Charlotte was. Though I didn't say it out loud my first thought was, yes, that’s because I let her be. The woman had her three year old on a tight leash. She was no more than a foot away from him at all times, he was clearly her first/only child. I’m not judging, who am I to judge her when, in order to get my kids out of the play place, I bribed them with candy at 10:45 am. Point being, I give my kids the freedom to explore but I always keep a close eye. Loosen the leash.

I've been working hard to teach Charlotte the meaning of the word "no". She doesn't really get it yet, but she will. I realized today that I definitely need to step up my game a bit though because Charlotte’s idea of a fun activity today was to attempt pulling the fire alarm several times at the play place. I enjoy watching my kids play. Many of the other moms at the play place were talking on their phones or engaging in conversations about how crappy their husbands were. This was a reality check for me . . . I'm not a crappy mom.

I do the best I can for my family. Heck, I'm the world’s worst Betty Crocker but we still make cookies from scratch for the experience alone. I provide a safe and loving environment for my kids and I rarely find myself yelling at them unless they start pulling their crazy flash dance moves in the bath. (Okay, so I may raise my voice every time they are in the tub.) My house is filled with laughter and lots of singing. I'm going to take a time out and pat myself on the back and say "good job". In my eyes happiness means everything and we've got a lot of that here.

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Screeching Sisters . . . Just Another Day at the Play Place

This week I brought my kids to the play place at a local mall. I often find doing this on my own can be stressful given their ages, 2 1/2 and 1. I don't know what I fear more the temper tantrums when it's time to leave, or the fact that these places can get crowded and I'll lose track of them.

We got there early and spent about an hour. When it was time to leave, there were well over 30 kids and all of their parents/caretakers. It was total chaos. I will say this, and I don't say it often . . . I am glad to have a climber. Charlotte, my 1 year old, climbed a set of stairs, and managed her way up a ramp to what they call "The Tree house". It’s basically a large area looking down at everything going on below. At first, I was nervous about her going up there, she’s just learning to climb stairs, but it quickly dawned on me that if she's up there I don't have to worry about chasing after her down below. So, that's where she stayed the entire time.

Lanie, my older daughter, quickly made friends and was running around jumping from structure to structure like a total mad woman. She was having fun. Then, out of nowhere, Lanie let out this high pitched squeal. An ear piercing, horror movie, off the Richter scale screech that you couldn't even imagine could come out of someone so small, or anyone for that matter. People covered their ears as I quickly went over and told her to stop. The woman next to me was stunned and said "I really think that was the loudest scream I have ever heard." My response, "I know, it's awful."

Just as the embarrassment wore off there was another squeal, except louder. This time it was Charlotte, from the tree house. It was as if she was in some sort of competition with her sister about who's got louder pipes. I was mortified, and quickly ran up to the tree house to attempt to make her stop. As I'm rushing away I hear that same woman say "No, I take it back. That was the loudest scream I have ever heard."

Within seconds I'd say 75% of the kids there were screaming at the top of their lungs, and my kids were clearly to blame. I think Lanie and Charlotte may have gotten their first label that day, "The Screeching Sisters". We left after that.

I am planning on going back next week and I'm hoping that I don't see any familiar faces. And, if I do, maybe they'll forget me. But, I doubt it.

                                      Signed,

                                      A Mom with a Headache

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