The Christmas Sugar High - Detoxing the Preschoolers

Over the past couple of weeks my kids have been partying like mini rock stars. Late nights, missing out on naps and living off of things like sugar cookies and candy canes have become the "norm". With a large family and numerous holiday parties, it's been hard to stick to our typical daily routine of grilled cheese sandwiches and at least an attempt at rest time. It's been fun (for them). Okay, it's been fun for me as well, but guess who gets stuck paying the price during the aftermath of it all? Me. *SIGH*. That really hasn't been fun.

It started the day after Christmas when I stuck to my vow of "NO MORE SUGAR" and "You guys are definitely taking naps this afternoon. No ifs, ands, or buts!" I mean seriously, this Christmas craziness had to come to a screeching halt at some point. What better day than the one after Christmas. It's over and my kids were slowly starting to come down from their chocolate Christmas tree, cookie, candy cane, holiday colored gummy bear high. That high, turned into an all time low. . . fast. They spent that morning crying, fighting over their toys, and throwing fits on our family room floor. It was so bad that I secretly confiscated the chocolate Santa's from their Christmas stockings and hid in my room for a few minutes. While my kids duked it out, I ate their Santas. It was a much better choice than the alternative of whipping myself up a dirty martini at 8 AM and attempting to deal with the madness that was going on around me. That's another vow that I've promised to stick to . . . never become a stay at home mom alcoholic. If I stuck to my guns that morning, I'm pretty confident I'll succeed.

My in-laws phoned my husband that morning while he was at work and asked if we'd like to join them for dinner out. My first thought was yes! No cooking, no cleaning and I can get out of the house . . . YES! My second thought, the realistic one, was that there is NO way I can bring my kids out like this. I made a deal with my kids - no more tantrums, no more fighting and if they rested during nap we'd meet their grandparents out for dinner at our favorite dinner spot. (The place that serves bottomless bowls of popcorn.) Besides one sword fight using fairy princess wands as their weapon of choice, the afternoon went smooth. The crying and fighting over everything came to an end, and they both had a decent rest time. A Christmas miracle! We made it out to dinner and we had been doing good with our no more sugar kick! Until, while out doing errands, the lady at the bank handed my kids lollipops at 10 AM this morning. Whatever. I believe that everything in moderation is okay. They just better not expect me to fork over sugar cookies for dinner. Not happening.

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All I Want For Christmas

I want the sore throat and cold I've been battling for the past few days to move onto its next victim. (As long as it's not my kids, or husband.) Actually, I don't wish it on anyone. Blah. Moms should not be allowed to get sick.

I  want a minimum of 7 hours of sleep a night. That means no loud singing, no creeping out of your room and turning on every light in the house at 3 AM, but most importantly, don't sneak into my room and stand beside my bed and stare at me. I can hear you breathing, and I know you're there, even though sometimes I pretend I don't. Seriously, I go to bed after Jeopardy is over . . . (When did I turn into my mother?) Anyway, 7 hours of sleep shouldn't be that hard, and now that I put bells on your door I have a jump start and I'll know when you're coming. No more creepin'.

Last, but not least - if you're going to have an "accident" on my kitchen floor, please don't pick up the poop and blame it on the cat.


Love, Mom 

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The Christmas Miracles

The past few days have been go go go. I'm actually surprised I'm finding the time to sit down and write about it, or the time to breathe for that matter. The hustle and bustle of the holidays always seems to stress me out. I feel as if Thanksgiving to Christmas is an entire month straight of pure craziness. If you asked me a week ago, that's exactly how I'd tell you I felt - crazy, stressed, anxious, how am I ever going to get all the stuff that needs to get done, done? Not today though. This past week has not only been productive, but fun!

It started when I broke my promise of never taking my kids shopping by myself again. My oldest was desperate for some new shoes for the holidays, so I ventured out on a rainy day, a day that I just didn't want to be cooped up indoors. This shopping trip was phenomenal. Not only did we get new shoes, but we left the store with zero temper tantrums, from either kid. Amazing! I was so impressed by their good behavior that I told them that if they each took a good rest during nap time that I'd take them to visit Santa that afternoon. That's just what we did. I picked up my mom and we went to visit the best mall Santa around. One that usually comes with a long line of hyped up kiddos. Not the case that late afternoon. We only had to wait behind four other families! Again, amazing! My girls were very excited to see the big guy in red, and happily smiled as they sat with him. We were able to get a great picture! (One that did not include me like last years Santa's pic.) Last year they were a few seconds away from nervous breakdowns and I had to jump in the photo at the last minute. Needless to say, I was beyond pleased that I missed out on this photo op.

Speaking of pictures, I declared one day this week to be holiday card photo shoot day. My kids were not thrilled but the candy canes I gave them first thing that morning definitely helped. The sugar high later was a bit of a different story, but all and all I had a few decent shots. My mother-in-law designed a great card for me, and I got those bad boys printed Friday and spent the night addressing lots and lots of Christmas Cards. That tedious task is done! Did I mention, I even found time to bake two dozen cookies with my kids and eat a whole dozen of them? (I shared the other dozen with my husband and girls.)

Over the weekend we spent a day with my dad and step mom. We got our Christmas tree, and my kids got spoiled. A nice lunch, a trip to a toy store, and $48 trip to the candy store. Pricey, I know, but that was only because my husband said that he really liked the look of some dark chocolate turtle candies that my father insisted on buying. We brought them home and I secretly had them for breakfast the next morning. We spent the rest of the day putting up our tree and decorating the outside of our house. The biggest miracle of all was when I dug out our Christmas lights and all of them worked! I didn't even have to spend the usual two hours trying to untangle them. The only thing that's left on my list is a few more presents to buy, and to lose the extra five pounds I've packed on from eating cookies, candies and chocolate Santa's.

I got this . . . bring it Santa!

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I'm Sorry I'm Late . . . I Have Kids!

For as long as I can remember I've been punctual . . . maybe a little too punctual. I was the person that you could count on to show up when l said I would, if not earlier. You wouldn't know that though, because I'd most likely be driving around the block a few times to waste a couple minutes. I was actually given an award in high school for always being on time. Pretty cool, huh? Actually, pretty dorky when I think about it now.

Back before my stay at home mom days, when I had a full time job, I had a bit of a commute and allowed myself plenty of extra time to pick up a coffee on my way in. I'd also calculate in the fear of bad traffic. Phhhhhttt, what a joke.  Most mornings I left before the birds were chirping, and I'd arrive to work a half hour early. I didn't get paid to be there early, so I'm not really sure why I continued to do this day after day. Probably because arriving early was far better than the sudden sense of "OH MY GOD, I'M GOING TO BE LATE." That happened once, during a blizzard, when most normal people would have just banged in with a personal or sick day. I wish I had calculated all those wasted half hours of being early for work into some sort of extra sleep category, 'cause maybe then I'd be a little more rested for what was to come . . . KIDS! See ya later, punctuality.

Don't get me wrong, I really try my best to be on time for things, it doesn't always happen though. Here are a few reasons why:

• Breakfast time is more often than not similar to watching paint dry. Somehow my kids manage to sit there and pick at their plates for a very long time, but when they finally decide they're done most of the food is still there. It's like magic . . . but with food. One second you see it, an hour later it's still there! (I wish I could have pulled off that type of magic with my kids leftover Halloween candy.) They play it off like they're eating and I don't interfere, because I actually think they are eating, but they're not. They're pretty slick. I'll usually find some minuscule bites nibbled off of a cereal bar, or a half eaten grape. They usually do this during lunch and dinner too. Apparently, eating food that you're not really eating takes a long time. Sometimes I wonder why I even offer them meals, and often question if they are living off of the water and toothpaste they eat during teeth brushing time. Needless to say, I try to plan play dates around the meals that they take forever to eat, but don't really eat. "Sorry we're late, friends. It took a really long time to eat those two Cheerios and that blueberry this morning."
• One thing that causes the drill sergeant mom in me to come out is getting my kids up, fed, dressed and out the door in time for 8:30 AM preschool drop off. Thank God this only happens two days a week because these mornings make me feel like a crazy person. First off, my kids always decide to sleep in on school days . . . never on weekends, never on home days, only on school days. This forces me to wake them up, and let me tell you, it's not always pretty. Just this morning (home day) I received my payback. I was woken up at 5 AM by singing . . . very LOUD singing. It was as if I were at a Katy Perry concert, sitting right next to the speaker as she sang her latest hit, Roar. (Except it wasn't Katy Perry, it was my three year old, it was 5 AM, and it was indeed a home day.) This was not a pretty moment for me and I swear it would have been fine if it were a school day. But no, I have to drag them out of bed on school days, as they clench their blankets and beg me not to. (This has got to be some sort of Murphy's law.) After dragging my girls out of bed, I'll attempt to give the whole mealtime thing a whirl. Usually after a half hour of me watching the clock and them pretending to eat I'll tend to rush them along as they lick the syrup off of their uneaten waffles then, I'll usually praise them for eating a strawberry . . . or something. I'll rush to get them dressed, brush their teeth and do their hair. Remember I have girls, getting them dressed and doing their hair is often a project. The tooth brushing part is a piece of cake since they live off of, I mean live for toothpaste. After all of this is done, I'll bundle them up and get ready to head out.
  
• The other morning as we were about to head out the door my oldest informed me that she had to go to the bathroom. While I was assisting her, my youngest hid the car keys in one of her fathers shoes, she then informed me that she had to use the potty too. After that I got their coats back on and realized that my keys were missing. When I asked where they were, I got silence. I said something like, "Well, I guess we'll just have to take naps all day since we can't go out and do anything fun." The response from my two year old resembled a bunch of fake sneezes, "A SHOE - A SHOE". While I began questioning if those pretend sneezes were real sneezes, my oldest said that the keys must be in a shoe. Bingo, found them! Time to go! Strapping my puffy coated kids into their car seats is never fun and often time consuming, but it's got to be done. And we were finally off . . . only to get two minutes down the street and have to stop for what seems like 100 wild turkeys s-l-o-w-l-y crossing the road. We totally would have missed that giant flock of birds if someone didn't hide my car keys.

Therefore, I'm sorry I'm late . . . I have kids.

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My Biggest Pains of Christmas

1.
This year Santa made his big appearance at the local mall the day after Halloween. Jesus, I haven't even polished off all the peanut butter cups from my kids candy buckets yet and their already throwing candy canes in my face?

2. 
The fact that every time a commercial comes on the TV for a Lalaloopsy Doll my kids go crazy yelling and screaming "That's it! That's what I want Santa to bring me!" They each have a specific doll that they want. Easy right? Wrong. The problem is that each day that specific doll changes to a different one. When I say things like "Didn't you say you wanted Santa to get you the pink one yesterday?" I'll usually get a big fat "NO, I said I wanted the one with stripes. That's the one!!" I really hope I don't eff this up. When it's all said and done, they'll get what they get and they won't get upset. . .Well, they may get upset . . . just know that "Santa" listened to the indecisiveness Every. Single. Day. for two months straight . . . I tried.

3.

I have to get down to my basement and find that large ball of Christmas lights that was nicely placed on our outdoor railings last year. One day when my kids both decided to take a nap and Christmas was over, I decided to take them all down. That did not go over so well.

4.
I'll have to wrestle tights on my girls for several different holiday parties. Just thinking about this is giving me anxiety. Next . . .

5.
Taking the perfect Christmas card photo where both of my girls are sitting still and looking happy. Then, taking the time to address and mail all those cards. We have a big family to send cards to, so this will perhaps be a good excuse to break out the wine.


6.
We haven't even made it to Thanksgiving yet and most stores have jumped on the band wagon of decorating early. Loud Christmas music, along with fake trees, shiny stars and colorful ornaments make for chaotic times while shopping with your kids. Who am I kidding? I'm just using this is as an excuse for already chaotic times while shopping with my kids. This added eye candy just enhances the chaos to whole new level of crazy.

In the end, the memories of cookie baking, decorating the tree, reading our favorite Christmas stories, and the smiles on their faces Christmas morning will all be worth it. (Provided that Santa gets the right damn doll!)

Wake me up when December ends . . .
Oh right, it hasn't even started yet. 'Tis the season for limited (if any) parking spaces, sugar amped-up/hyped-up kiddos and egg nog spiked with the strong stuff. I heart Christmas.

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Sharing is Caring

Sharing is caring! That's our motto around here, or at least the one I'm trying to enforce.

Over the weekend my youngest daughter Charlotte and I celebrated our birthdays. I now have a two year old, a three year old, and I'm just old. Actually, I take it back, I'm 37 going on 21. During my big mom's night out I got carded while ordering a glass (or two, okay maybe three) of wine. Im not typically a big drinker, but after the temper tantrums in Target last week I did indeed take advantage of my much needed night out. I wonder if bartender girl would have felt the same way about my age three days prior, before I got all of my white hairs colored? Anyway, I just had to throw in that slight ego booster, I'll get back to the point . . . 

Though I love the fact that I share my birthday with Charlotte, I always thought that eventually there may be some jealousy issues with my older daughter Lanie. Understandably, there were. Nothing too major, and I'm sure there may be more down the road. Luckily, this year Lanie was easily persuaded in a different direction when I reminded her that her birthday is in June . . . even though she insisted it was in November. I said that she could eat my share of cake at this party since I don't really like cake, and then she could have more cake on her birthday party day. She asked if she could have my share of cake in June as well, and I agreed.

That morning Lanie was pretty excited to take a special trip out with my husband to pick up some ice cream. She also came home with a giant balloon bouquet that she nicely handed over to Charlotte and I while yelling "Surprise! Happy Birthday!" It was very sweet, and I was very impressed that she didn't hold onto those balloons for dear life with her Kung Fu grip and insist that they were hers. Balloons are kind of a big deal around here, so we are clearly making progress!

As you know, along with any kids birthday party comes toys, a whole lot of toys. Some of our newest additions include a princess castle, a drawing board, legos, a toy phone, a school bus, a kid's tablet, puzzles, lots of books, stuffed animals, some Peppa pig figurines, a doctor kit, fridge magnets, a handcrafted stool, and lots of clothes (which they don't fight over now, but I know that someday they will.) All the toys we have here, old and new, are age appropriate for both girls, which in return causes a lot of arguments. In the past, we've never really had any problems deciphering what belongs to who, because they share and often times fight over them all. With the ages they are now, the whole sharing verses what's mine is mine concept has become a little more of a challenge. Not only for them, but for me as well. It's not in my nature to try to explain to a two year old that she can't play with the 150 piece Duplo Lego set that was actually given to her sister as a gift a year ago and vice versa.

When it came time for Charlotte to open her gifts, one of the first things in Lanie's sight was the Peppa Pig figurines. If you've read my past blogs, you may remember that my oldest daughter is slightly obsessed with Peppa pig. Her eyes lit up as she dove for the pigs that Charlotte had barely opened, and she quickly claimed them as her own. What potentially could have turned into an old school Andre the Giant vs. Hulk Hogan wrestling scene, surprisingly ended up just fine. Those pigs kept Lanie busy the entire time, allowing Charlotte the opportunity to open up more of *her* birthday gifts without the help of a potentially unwanted sidekick. Thankfully, no foam fingers were needed by me to direct my kids back to their respectable corners, and Charlotte really didn't seem to mind sharing them.

The following day was ideal. They were both very occupied with all the new choices to play with, and it left little time for them to argue over all the usual old stuff. I'm banking on a weeks worth of thrills 'til the excitement fades and things get old again. In the meantime, I've made note to both girls about how well Charlotte is doing with sharing all of the new toys, and how they have both been playing so nicely together. Lanie agreed, and also stated that she was very happy that Charlotte gave her a Peppa Pig for her birthday. I reminded Lanie that her birthday is seven months away and to remember this when Charlotte wants to play with her presents. So far, so good . . . Hopefully this sharing kick lasts for a while! (Who am I kidding? I've got two little people that are 16 months apart. They can be a tad bit stubborn and very strong willed at times. I'm not holding my breath, but I'm certainly enjoying it while it lasts!)

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The Punishment, Terrible Two's and Tantrums

Warning:
This blog contains jaw dropping material . . .
teeth grinding, hair pulling, it's 5 o'clock somewhere content.

Reader discretion is advised.

My goal by writing this is to, 
A. Attempt to relieve my own stress, and
B. Let other parents know that if you are dealing with hard times with your kids that you are not alone.

For the first time ever, both of my kids were faced with consequences that they did not like due to their actions.  Don't get me wrong, they've certainly dealt with consequences in the past due to misbehaving, they've just never dealt with so many all at once.

This morning's adventure out led to coming home early and the kids spending 45 minutes in their rooms. This was followed by no iPad, and no TV for the rest of the day. Just so we are all clear, I don't plop my kids in front of the TV, or let them play Candy Crush all day. They are allowed a little time each day to watch a favorite show, or play an educational game. That's why these times are a big deal. Some may think that a 45 minute time out in a room for an almost two and a three year old seems like a long time, but seriously, that's how long it took my husband and I to recover from this adventure out.

The morning started off fine. They slept well, (for them) and ate a good breakfast. My husband and I decided to run an errand at Target to get some things we needed for our upcoming birthday party for Charlotte. Oh yes, terrible two's! I remember them well since it seems like just yesterday that Lanie was two.

As we parked the car, the usual fuss about riding in the shopping cart started. This is not a huge deal for me. Both of them are typically good when it comes to holding your hand, and with my husband being there it usually makes shopping with them a little easier. It leaves me a free hand to work with. I mean how hard can it be to pick up a card and a stupid paper tablecloth for a birthday party? I said it before and I'll say it again . . . shopping with your kids is NEVER easy. As a matter of fact, I've decided I'm not doing it again until my kids are 12 and 13. I figure in about 10 years or so, it may be a little more manageable. Most likely by then I'll be dealing with a new set of challenges, and I'll have forgotten about all the tantrums they pull now.

When we got in the store my husband went off with my youngest, while Lanie and I searched for the perfect birthday card. That 25 second search turned into my oldest ripping cards off the shelf and throwing them on the floor. When I got down at her level and told her to pick up the cards she lost it saying, "NO, don't you tell me to pick them up. I'm not doing it." Really?! I sense a massive meltdown coming because that crap does not fly well with me. "Lanie, I'm going to ask you again nicely to pick up the cards. Someone worked really hard to put all these cards on the shelves. We need to put them back where they belong." Her response, "NO!" Really?! (a WTF moment). "Lanie, if you don't pick up the cards, I will bring you out to the car." Not only did I get a big fat "NO", I also got a slap in my leg. You bet that shit didn't fly well. My husband saw this and instantly scooped her up, kicking and screaming and brought her out to the car. One down.

Now I'm left with Charlotte and I'm thinking that I'll get my items and get out of there quick. Nope, not the case. Another meltdown, or more like five meltdowns. One in the toy isle that she ran to, one in the clothing department, one by the hair accessory shelf, one at the checkout, and the massive one as I struggled to carry her out of the store kicking and screaming all while attempting to maneuver the shopping cart that she refused to sit in. I could sense lots of onlookers staring, and I was so embarrassed that I could not make eye contact with anyone . . . until I had to. A woman in a caravan pulled up beside me and said "Hang in there. You're doing a good job." A big shout out to that woman. Thank you! At that point I desperately needed a kind vibe. 

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The Fun of Fall with the Kids

Well it's official! The heat was turned on and the cool, crisp air has made it's way to Massachusetts. There is something about replacing short sleeves with hooded sweatshirts, and trading in my summer iced coffee for a warm cup, or in my case pot of coffee, that I find very comforting. I love the aromas of Fall too. Warm apple crisp, apple pies, pumpkin seeds and all different kinds of cookies baking just to name a few.

I was never one to bake. I can thank my kids for that. Their love for baking has challenged me to give it my all, and not be so scared of the kitchen. I've done good . . . It's been months since I've set off a smoke detector. The upside to baking with your kids is that 1. It's fun for them, and 2. If a stray eggshell ends up here or there you can says things like, "That's what happens when you bake with small children." For the record: I don't let my kids touch the eggs, but nobody needs to know that.

When I think of Fall, I think of things like Halloween and Thanksgiving. I think of school and the fact that Charlotte, my baby, is turning two! Though I'm thankful for everyday with my kids, Fall brings out the subtle reminders of the little things. For instance, the leaves changing colors and falling from the trees. Though I know the colors are changing right before my eyes, my kids often remind me to stop for a minute and take a look at how beautiful they are. They're right, they are beautiful. For some reason the stresses of that dreaded fall clean up don't always seem so bad when you have little ones. Taking a break to watch the excitement in their faces as they jump in a pile of leaves, or stop to count acorns always makes it just a little easier.

I'm thankful for Lanie's preschool, and all the fun she has there. The look in her eyes when I come to pick her up each day is priceless. She is always eager to show me all the artwork she has stuffed in her backpack, and it's beyond clear that she thoroughly enjoys herself while she's there. I'm thankful for those two mornings a week when Lanie is in school. It gives me one on one time with Charlotte which is rare, and it's really nice.

My kids often remind me to take a step back and enjoy the little things. I thank them for that. As a matter of fact they both took a nap the other day at the same time. I think that has happened maybe three times total. Instead of catching up on housework, I cracked into the Halloween candy stash, sat on the couch with my feet up and ate three mini snickers bars. I'm thankful that Halloween only happens once a year and I don't have pounds of candy hidden in my cabinets. However, I am thankful for that moment. I've dreamt of that stay at home mom, kicked back on the couch, eating chocolate image for so long. It really happened!

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Kids Halloween Costumes . . .

Is it really necessary to make

kids Halloween costumes resemble

something a streetwalker would wear?

Sorry kids, NO . . .

you can't be Slutberry Shortcake or

The Wicked Witch of the Combat Zone,

EVER!

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A Weeks Worth of Kid Quirks

Boy have I got some quirky stories for you. This past week has been full of them. It all stems from my kids' obsession with Peppa Pig. Specifically, my three year old's. My (almost) two year old joins in on the quirkiness as she likes to follow her big sisters lead, or perhaps it's a payback since my oldest now refers to her younger sister as her "little brother Georgie"(Peppa's pig sibling). For those unfamiliar with "Peppa", she's a pig who speaks with a British accent and has a head which resembles an over-sized, 1970's style, pink blow dryer. It's a half hour cartoon which runs back to back from 5 to 6 pm. It really could not come on at a better time. My kids sit glued to the TV, allowing me time to start dinner without dealing with any serious casualties.

Recently, let's just say, I've developed a love/hate relationship with this silly Peppa Pig show. I LOVE that my kids will sit down on the couch without moving for a full hour. I HATE that my oldest now refers to me as "Mommy Pig", to my husband as "Daddy Pig", and that she'll often introduce herself to strangers by saying "Hi I'm Peppa pig, and this is my Mommy pig, my Daddy pig, and my little brother Georgie." I'm not sure if these so called strangers think that we are visiting from overseas since she now speaks with a British accent, but we're not. Also, my youngest is clearly a girl, and my husband and I are real live people, not pigs.

The other day during the car ride to preschool, my oldest busted out with a really loud "HI, I'M PEPPA PIG" followed by an equally loud pig snort. My youngest chimed in with a "NO! I'M PEPPA PIG", followed by more pig snorts. My oldest was floored by this and yelled "NO, YOU'RE MY LITTLE BROTHER GEORGIE!" This resulted in a very loud, dueling snort match for what is normally a very short car ride to school. That short car ride very well may have been the longest five minutes of my life.

On this same day, my oldest came home from school with two paintings she made. She was so excited to show them off and handed one over to my youngest. It was a nice break from the bickering over Peppa pig. This is what she said "Here Charlotte, I made this for you." My heart literally melted as she sat by our fireplace explaining to her younger sister that she made this extra picture to share with her. Then she said, "It's a giant steak. I made an extra one for you to eat since Mommy and Daddy don't feed us. That's what I said to my teachers at school." Just for the record: I feed my kids food.

On tommorow's breakfast menu: BACON

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